JOKES and more JOkES! Tagged in TEAYUMMMM

FROG: what does my future hold?
FAIRY: you'll meet someone who wants to know everything about you.
FROG: great! Will I meet her in a party?
FAIRY: no. in biology class

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things you don't want to hear during your own surgery:
-san yung gunting na bago? Bat may kalawang to?
-10ml? may nakasurvive na ba dyan? Sabi ko 5ml lang!
-doc, ubos na po pala yung anesthesia.
-kanina pa bukas yung tiyan, asan yung pantahi?
-sunog! Sunog! Labas lahat!

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inspiring quote of the day:
"hindi ako tamad. Hindi ko lang alam kung saan ko ibubuhos kasipagan ko."

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TEACHER: okay class our lesson for today is science. What is science?
PEDRO: ako ma'am! Ako ma'am!
TEACHER: okay Pedro, what is science?
PEDRO: science is our lesson for today.

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in a miss gay pageant:
HOST: how can we uplift our economy today even though we are under economic crisis?
BAKLA: (namutla) mga bakla! Akala ko ba miss gay ito? Quizbee pala!

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Sexy girl nagkukumpisal:
PARI: iha, ano ang iyong ikukumpisal?
SEXY: father, pag nakakarinig po ako ng lalaking nagmumura di ko mapigilan sarili ko na yayain siya magsex!
PARI: 'tang ina! Di nga?

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TEACHER: ano ang pambansang ibon?
BOY: chicken?
TEACHER: hindi! kulay brown ito!
BOY: fried chicken!
TEACHER: hindi! mas maliit ito sa chicken.
BOY: knorr chicken cubes!
TEACHER: get out!

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BOY: dad, tulong naman sa assignment ko. Find the least common denominator daw.
DAD: ha? aba'y elementary pa lang ako eh hinahanap na nila yan ah! Aba'y di pa ba nila nakikita?

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Anong sabi ng centipede nung may nakasalubong siyang isang centipede?
"uy pare. Apir!apir!apir! apir!apir! apir!apir! apir!apir! apir!apir! apir!apir! apir!apir! apir!apir! apir!apir! apir!.... ......

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eto ang banat na malupet.
GUY: miss, pinaglihi ka ba sa inidoro?
GIRL: bakit?
GUY: kasi ako pinaglihi sa tae. Nung nakita kita, di ko mapigilang mahulog!

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a boss confused about his Math asked his secretary:
If I give you P3M less 17%, how much would you take off?
SECRETARY: everything sir! Dress, bra, panty!

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TEACHER: mga bata, alam niyo ba na ang bawat butil ng palay ay galing sa dugo't pawis ng mga magsasaka?
MGA BATA: eeewwww!

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BOY: is this your first time?
GIRL: (angrily) oo naman noh. You guys talaga. So kuleeet! Always asking me the same question. Paulit-ulit. Hmp!

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STUDENT: ma'am, pagagalitan niyo po ba ako sa bagay na hindi ko naman ginawa?
TEACHER: natural hindi.
STUDENT: good, di ko po ginawa assignment ko!

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why was white chocolate invented? So little black kids could have dirty faces too!

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isang araw sa may tindahan.
PULUBI: palimos po.
TINDERO: wala po, patawad.
PULUBI: sige na po, kahit magkano.
TINDERO: sya sige! Eto, dos.
PULUBI: salamat po ng marami. Isang Malboro nga po, yung menthol.

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TITSER: bat ka na-late?
EDWARD: nawalan ho kasi ng 500 yung lalaki.
TITSER: tinulungan mo siyang maghanap?
EDWARD: hindi po, tinapakan ko lang hanggang umalis siya.

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sa kasalan
PARI: sana ang donation mo ay katumbas ng ganda ng pakakasalan mo.
GROOM: eto P5, father.
Tinignan ng pari ang bride.
PARI: eto P4 sukli mo iho.

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sabi nung friend ko, nakakalaki daw ng tiyan ang beer. Kasi noon minsan nalasing siya, nabuntis siya!

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a thirsty city girl went to a barrio
GIRL: where galling your water manong?
MATANDA: sa ilog ineng.
GIRL: ha? You drink that water manong?
MATANDA: duhhh! Why, sa syudad ba chine-chew?

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DEATH of MR.BEAN'S MOTHER
Mr Bean: (crying) the doctor just called up, my mom's dead.
Friend: condolence, my friend.
(after 2 minutes, Mr. Bean cries even louder.)
Friend: what now, Mr. Bean?
Mr Bean: my sister just called. Her mom died too.

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NOEL: ipapangalan ko sa aking anak " LEON " baliktad ng Noel.
NINO: sa akin ONIN baliktad ng NINO.
TOTO: wag niyo akong maisali-sali dyan sa usapan niyo!

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Sinoli ni Erap ang libro sa library.
ERAP: sobrang dami ng characters wala naman storya.
LIBRARIAN: kayo pala kumuha ng telephone directory namin!

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JAIME ZOBEL DE AYALA: 1/2 Pinoy, 1/2 Spanish.
HENRY SY: 1/2 Pinoy, 1/2 Chinese.
LITO ATIENZA: 1/2 Hawaiian, 1/2 Polo.
MIKE ARROYO: 1/2 Pinoy, 1/2 pork.
JOHN OSMENA: 1/2 Pinoy, 1/2 Pinay.
PROSPERO PICHAY: 1/2 Unggoy, 1/2 gulay.
GMA: 1/2 ... only.

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MR: hon promise simula ngayon, iiwan ko na ang mga kabit ko.
MRS: wow. Thank you love. Ako naman, I promise, ang susunod nating anak, ikaw na ang ama. Promise talaga.

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NUN: mother! I was raped. What shall I do?
Mother SUPERIOR: here, take this calamansi.
NUN: will this ease the pain?
Mother SUPERIOR: sipsipin mo! Nang mawala ngiti sa mukha mo, gaga!

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SA OSPITAL.....
WIFE: hon, nahirapan ako huminga.
HUSBAND: kung nahirapan ka ng huminga, itigil mo na.

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sa sabungan, walang entrance fee ang may dalang panabong. Si Juan para makalibre pumasok may dalang inahin.
BANTAY: [sinita si Juan] ano yan?
JUAN: [galit pa!] manok!
BANTAY: alam ko, eh bakit inahin?
JUAN: may laban ang mister niya, siyempre moral support bobo!

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INA: anak, tawagan mo nga tatay mo sa celfon. Pauwiin mo dito.
[pagkatapos tawagan.]
ANAK: nay, babae po ang sumagot.
INA: lintik, sinasabi ko na nga ba, may tinatago yang tatay mo eh! Anong sabi?
ANAK: 'you only have zero pesos in your account...' hindi ko na tinapos nay mukhang matapobre.

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nagbubungkal ng lupa si Erap para magtanim. Akala ng nakakita niloloko lang siya dahil wala naman siyang tinatanim.
BANTAY: sir, wala naman kayong tinatanim ah.
ERAP: bobo! Seedless to!

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PEDRO: niloko ko yung tindera kanina.
JUAN: paano mo naman niloko yung tindera?
PEDRO: nagpaload ako eh wala naman akong celfon.

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may nakakita sakin sa dalampasigan. malungkot at nagiisa. sabi niya, 'kung mahal mo siya, bakit di mo ipadama?' sumagot ako, 'mahal ka diyan?!!! naiwan ako sa outing tanga.'

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kung totoo ang ' Darwin 's theory of evolution' na ang tao ay nagmula sa unggoy, bakit may mga taong mukhang kabayo?

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ERAP SA PIZZA HUT
WAITER: sir, do you want me to cut your pizza into 4 slices or 8 slices?
ERAP: into four na lang, masyadong marami yung eight. di ko mauubos.

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summer job opportunities:
package 1:
-P5000/hour
-enchanted kingdom
-tagatulak ng anchor's away.
package 2:
-P7000/day
-palengke
-tagalista ng noisy.
package 3:
-P800/minute
-star city
-tagahila ng roller coaster.
package 4:
-P900/minute.
-for females only.
- alaska milk.
-substitute sa baka.
oh pili na. mahirap maghanap ng trabaho.

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AMO: inday, kunin mo nga yung VOGUE magazine!
INDAY: mam, vogyu hindi vog.
AMO: inday, vog ang tamang pagbigkas.
INDAY: o sige na nga mam VOG na, there's no need to ARG.

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pano sasabihin sa isang girl na maitim ang kili-kili niya without hurting his feelings?
"ganda ng deodorant mo ha, kiwi?"

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what's worse than finding a worm in the apple you are eating? pag nakita mong kalahati na lang ang worm.

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Si Erap nakabasag ng vase sa Museum, yung attendant nataranta.
ATTENDANT: naku sir, more than 500 years old na po yang vase.
ERAP: hay salamat. Akala ko bago!

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Overheard from a girl na galit sa kararating na boyfriend sa starbucks:
GIRL: my God, you're so late. Where did you . . . where have you. . . where do you. . . san ka ba galing?

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ang tawag sa gumagawa ng tubo, tubero.
Ang tawag sa kumukuha ng basura, basurero.
Ang tawag sa mahilig sa gimik, gimikero.
Sa maraming babae, babaero.
Ang tawag sa nakaupo sa kanto.?

Tambay pare, tambay!

:lol!: hahaha! :D

Lakas trip hehe
:lol: :lol: :lol:

toinks... :lol!:

e2 share ko: anu english sa "pang-ilang presidente si Cory?"

Wah! Thanks to this page, my siblings think I'm insane...!!!

Wahahahahaha!!!

Sirit Waron, natusta na utak ko kakaisip. anu?

hmm.. mamya hapon ko n saibihin hahaha

e2 pa isa... 20 + 20 +20 = 60, anu pa ang pedeng maging equal sa 60 using 3 same numbers..

:lol!: waron.,natanong mo na samin yan dati ah!!!., :pwlaugh:

nasagot nio? :twisted:

hinde!., :pwlaugh:

@Waron 55+5=60

may mga babaeng tinatanong kung alam nila ang pagkakaiba ng ngt kamote at ari ng lalake...
Sabi ng babaeng taga-Ateneo : "YUUUKKK...I don't eat kamoteee!"....kudos kung merong atenista...tawa na lang

hahahahah amf...

animo lasalle!!!

____________________________________________________________________________________-

eh eto,


ANO ANG TAWAG SA QUEST NA INU-ULIT??

Repeatable?

heheh hindi.. sirit????

yup :face:

quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest quest
:lol!: :lol!: :lol!: :lol!: :lol!: :lol!: :lol!: :lol!: :lol!: :lol!: :lol!:

:scratch:
:pwlaugh:
:bounce:

Quote :

Anong sabi ng centipede nung may nakasalubong siyang isang centipede?
"uy pare. Apir!apir!apir! apir!apir! apir!apir! apir!apir! apir!apir! apir!apir! apir!apir! apir!apir! apir!apir! apir!.... ......

POOOKA!! wahahahaha

ang sagot ay...

REQUEST!

hahah corny mu!