Chat Logs: When Charlie Becomes a GM, Seasons 1 and 2

AUTHOR'S NOTES: The actual fanfic starts three updates down. The first and second entries are just extras, and I highly recommend reading them first.

We might or might not use mature content in the future updates. If you cannot handle mature contents, I suggest you stop reading and quit the game as well.


CHAT LOGS
Season 1
_____________________________________________________________________________

We all have to start somewhere.

Starting is the hardest part of any job, life, or game. Very true. But trust me, it would be less harder if we know exactly, or less exaclty where.

So WHERE do we start?

Friend: Uh, so how do I start playing?
Me: What do you see there?
Friend: A computer.
Me: And...?
Friend: And...?
Me: The monitor as black as death. I think it's not turned on.
Friend: Oh.
Me: So?
Friend: Err... so?
Me: Eh?
Friend: EH??
Me: TURN THE EFFING COMPUTER ON FIRST, YOU PATHETIC, DEMENTED, CRAZY, LITTLE CREATURE! OH... MY... GOD?!

I almost considered stabbing my own eyes with barbeque sticks. Or setting my friend's clothes on fire--while he's still wearing 'em. Bloody mary please help me.

Lemme give you an example:

~> Start PC
~> Install the game
~> Patch up, patiently wait for 10 years or so
~> Then have fun.

Right?

NO.

Whoever said yes... Man. How did you learn to eat?

So before starting anything at all, make sure you have common sense first. Otherwise, you are about to crush the humanity and prevent the next generation from having a better living condition. Common sense, people.

This reminds me of my cute novice days-- raw, fresh and stupid. Young and naive, long before I believed that Philippine Ragnarok Online with its pathetic community should be rated R-18 for gore, hatred and explicit sexual references.

I politely approached a dude wearing an egg shell sitting like a moron. (God knows how I envied those shells before).

Me: How do I sit?
Egg dude: You're a novice, you have to reach a certain level.
Me: How?
Egg dude: Level up.
Me: How??


At that point, I was feeling the excitement. Excitement. EXCITEMENT!!


Egg dude: Get a manual.
Me: Why don't you just tell me?


Yeah, what's wrong with people those days?


Egg dude: The hell. ALRIGHT. Kill fifty porings or so... then sit!
Me: I didn't have to stab something as a baby when I learned to sit.
Egg dude: What's the matter with you??
Me: Nothing.


So I just shrugged, went off and killed "fifty porings or so..."

Still, I couldn't sit. So I went back to the Egg Dude still sitting like a complete moron. I thought I saw him smile when he saw me again... or not.


Egg dude: What now?
Me: I still can't sit.
Egg dude: You killed fifty porings?
Me: Or so?
Egg dude: Huh?
Me: Nevermind. So why can't I sit?
Egg dude: You clicked the thingy in that JOB SKILL window?

Alright. He was becoming very technical to a poor novice like me. Very cruel.

Me: What's that?
Egg dude: GET YOURSELF A FREAKIN MANUAL AND STOP TORMENTING ME!!!!

Well, that scared the hell out of me. I thought we could be friends. Good friends.

But not.

After ten hours of struggling for the ability to sit (meaning killing more porings, thinking it wasn't "fifty porings or so" enough) I was finally able to do the trick. Simple common sense. And reading the "freakin manual."

I didn't have to annoy egg shelled people.

I was level 12.

After a year, I've mastered the game quite well. And became friendly too. AND I HAD AN EGG SHELL TOO.

Hooray for me.

But one time, a novice came to me. And guess how our conversation went like.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Novice: Sir... how do I sit?
Me: Kill fifty porings or so...
Novice: How?

. . .

. . .

Me: OMG, WTF, GET A FREAKIN MANUAL AND STOP TORMENTING ME!!!

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

What's the moral lesson here? If you are not planning to learn a skill called "HAVE COMMON SENSE" in the near future, please, for the love of God, keep yourself away from Ragnarok Online or any place with people and children.

Because it has gore, it has hatred, and it has explicit sexual references already.

We have fragile little children on board. It's raping their little minds.

The community is bad as it is, please do not add to the misery by being a headless moron with no pants running around Midgard, spreading the disease.

To be continued.

Author: Heathen
from RagnaBoard

As a newbie, one is afraid to get banned.

I asked my cousin what would happen if I do bad things in game.

Cousin: You won't be able to play anymore.
Me: How about my money? I paid to play... I think.
Cousin: Oh yes. But one wrong move and all of your dailyallowance is history. You'll get B-A-N-N-E-D.

Daily allowance. Gone.

People, I skipped my favorite snack everyday just to get a few doses of gameplay.

I was dead-afraid of getting BANNED.

Getting banned is like being grabbed by the balls and saying "GAME OVER, MATE." I remember this incident one time during my not so early days.

A newbie player gets pecopeco egg card from cracking pecopeco eggs (for over a month) near Morroc. He asks his friend how much that costs, friend tells him he's not sure but it is around a million bucks.

It really was, during my days. I dunno now.

Scammer: Sir, I think you are overpricing your items.
Newbie: Oh? How should I price these? I think I need some help...

At this point, mister scammer could already see a winning lottery ticket.

Scammer: Pecopeco egg card for 800k? You are in serious trouble here.
Newbie: WHAT? I'm sorry. What should I do?
Scammer: I think I have to ban you.
Newbie: Is that something permanent??
Scammer: As permanent as death, my dear. You commited a crime!
Scammer: I'm a game master.
Scammer: So unless you reduce the selling price to a hundred thousand, I have to terminate you.
Newbie: Pleasepleasepleaseplease nooo. I'll change it.
Scammer: Do it quick. Other game masters might see I'm letting you go.
Scammer: I might lose my job!

So newbie, a newbie that he was, changes the price to 100k.

Scammer: Let me buy it.
Newbie: REALLY?!
Scammer: It's way of helping new people in the game.

WOW. It really is a new way of helping people in the game. Fool 'em.

Newbie: Thanks... you are a very nice person. Thanks for helping me out.
Newbie: Don't worry I won't tell other game masters.
Scammer: Sure. *logs out*

But that's not the real story, people. There was a time in history when GMs were actually doing their job and not drinking in front of the workstations, if not doing something while watching porn. So a GM was doing his rounds when...

"POTA!! POTAA KAAA TAENA MO GAGUUUU"

It seems like dear newbie player has found out that he has been fooled.

RealGM: Excuse me sir, I am a Game Master. What seems to be the problem?
RealGM: You are using explicit words.
Newbie: GAMEMASTER KA DIYAN POTAAAANG INA MUUUUUU!!!
Newbie: potapotapota. ban mo pwet mo!!
Newbie: ,,l,, !!!

Well, action had to be taken. Newbie was banned out of the game and made a life of making good, loyal friends in real life. He had good grades in high school and teachers loved him (and made out with him.)

Newbie: RO SUXX naman eh.

Sometimes, getting banned is getting back to track. To the real world.

Not so bad, eh?


Author: Heathen
from RagnaBoard

What you've just read above are just mindless ramblings about familiar IQ crashes we see everyday. So let's officially start this thing, ok?

There are three things that CHAT LOGS will be dealing with from this point:

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

- First. Common sense is a must. 'Nuff said.

- Second. Ragnarok Online is not even close to the real life. Don't dare compare it. Before the latest patch where lazy people could level up by just talking to NPCs at the academy, you actually have to murder a thousand cute bouncing pink creatures before you could learn to sit.

- Third. While scammers always go to heaven, idiots, morons, and retarded people go to hell. No fail.

Also, please note that we will be using strong (and IQ dropping) language/conversations from time to time, as well as adult references. If you cannot take them, read no longer, stop at this point, and consider quitting the game too.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

EPISODE 1

Ragnarok Online.

Well, it was just an ordinary game before it became a turning point in my life. It was just a game, and I just played... and played...

...and played. Until that fateful day.

If destiny exists, it goes in awful ways. I was peacefully trying to level my swordsman up from 22 to 23 under the dark Byalan Islands when this conversation caught my attention:

Player1: Give it back.
Player2: Give it back? BACK?
Player1: YES. Give it back.
Player2: I don't think so.
Player1: I killed the Kukre.
Player2: I picked it up. You didn't. So it's mine.

Conclusion: Looting. PROBABLY, Player1 almost died battling this mighty kukre when it dropped a Kukre Card. He didn't pick it up so after 5 seconds, Player2 came and witnessed Player1's stupidity with his naked eyes so he picked the card up himself.

People, unless you are lagging or you don't have a real brain, it does not take you more than 2 seconds to realize that a Kukre Card has been dropped.

So... if I were the judge, Player2, the evil looter should be pardoned. He just taught Player1 to be lesser stupid. Right?

WRONG.

What went wrong? Well, what followed:

Player1: Please give me back my empty bottle. I killed it.
Player2: No. Way.

Oh is that right?

An empty goddamn bottle.
OH. MY. GOD.

ALRIGHT. On the spot, I decided that both parties should be shot five times in real life and be buried along with a thousand empty softdrink bottles. In memory of two kids who decided to make this world a living hell because of one, virtual, empty bottle.

Me: What seems to be the problem here?
Player1: He stole my empty bottle.
Player2: STOLE? You sonuvavitch, this wasn't even yours!

I tried to be nice, but it seems like my sense of being-mister-nice-guy is wearing off along with my IQ.

Me: Player1, if I give you a hundred empty bottles, would you stop whining about it?
Player1: No. I want my one and only empty bottle.
Me: Player2, would you just give the moron his empty bottle and I'll give you a hundred plus 20k.
Player1: I'm not a moron!!
Me: You are. Shut the hell up.
Player2: No. I want this bottle. THIS BOTTLE.
Me: Oh, you're a moron as well.
Me: How do we fix this?

Pride is evil.

Exactly, what's the difference between one and another VIRTUAL empty bottle? Right. Nothing at all.

Player2: How dare you call me a moron?
Player1: Yeah? ME TOO!! How dare you?
Me: . . .
Player2 AND 1: @#%$*@!!!! $&$#@~@$!!!
Me: That's not very nice.
Player2 AND 1: potapotapotapota!!

They started flaming me. The hell, that was embarrasing. And frustrating.

I felt like a big shit with flies eyeing me like I'm a juicy baked chicken. A stinky one. I was helpless.

I hate that word. Helpless.

First, I couldn't break their necks like what I could always do to my neighbor's duck back in the province. Second, those losers made fun of me. Who's the loser now, eh?

I wished I were a GM. Or anyone with powers.

I wished I could do something.

Anything.

I was angry. I was hurt. Emotionally. And mentally too, after hearing such arguement.

So that's where it all started. I wanted to become a hero.

Author: Heathen
from RagnaBoard

Episode 2

I logged out, smashed my keyboard with a hammer, kicked an old lady with a dog along the way, and confided my problem to a special friend living three blocks away. Why to that friend?

Well, he does listen though he's basically an idiot too.

Anyway, my name is Charlie. Charlie. CHARLIE!! My parents should die for giving me such a sissy name.

So people, meet Pedro, my special friend.

Say "hi," and be nice.

Charlie: Man... I hope God would give me special powers.
Pedro: But that's impossible!
Charlie: Yes it is impossible.
Charlie: It's like teaching Arnold Schwarzenegger not to act like a dickhead in his movies.
Pedro: Yeah.
Pedro: Arnold Schwarzenegger is such a very good actor.
Charlie: Oh my God. I'll pretend I didn't hear that.

Pedro didn't help. I decided to hate him forever.

I felt so ashamed of myself confiding my problems to Pedro I already considered ending my life. Something can be done. Something must be done.

I sat for a while and thought. I remembered Shakey.

Shakey is a geeky dude from high school. He could tweak computer systems and make a miracle program out of a kilobit of information.

But I hated his guts.

So I kicked his balls so hard so he wouldn't have geeky children in the near future. He hates me, but he could help me. So we have to love each other. I immediately called him.

Charlie: SHAKEY!!
Shakey: Eh?
Charlie: It's me... your dear friend! Charlie!
Shakey: Charlie? The Charlie from high school?
Shakey: The one who kicked my balls to kingdom come?
Shakey: I had to loose 'em you know... *sniff sniff* But I want sex too.
Charlie: Still you can have sex...
Shakey: Of course! I had a sex change. *sniff sniff*


Sex change.

Oh is that right?

Uh... I didn't know Shakey became gay after graduation. Oh my God. My imaginations are betraying my sanity.

Anyway... Back to our conversation.

Charlie: Yes?! That's the Charlie you know. Shakey... I love you!!
Shakey: Uh? No.

*line dropped*

He hates me. Err... She hates me. But I must do something.

So I dialed his... err... her number again, hoping I could convince him... err... her.

Note: Shakey is a "she" now.

Charlie: PLEASE DON'T HANG UP.
Charlie: DON'T DROP THE PHONE. PLEASE!!
Shakey: Sorry I can't help you.
Charlie: Yes you can!! PLEASE....
Shakey: No.
Charlie: I will do anything, dude. Please...
Shakey: Let me think of that.
Shakey: Are you aware that you made me so sad? I lost my balls, you know.
Charlie: I'm sorry.

Man, I said I'm sorry. What else can I do???

Shakey: Alright. I can help you.
Charlie: YAY~!!

See? Apologies can fix everything. The police have no business in this world anymore.

Shakey: You have to make me happy first.
Shakey: Do you do macho dancing?


No.

I quickly dropped the phone and set it on fire. I brushed my mouth with all kinds of toothpastes too.

I decided to hate Shakey forever too. I am so glad s/he wouldn't be able to reproduce anytime soon because:

1) He can't bear babies.
2) He can't make anyone have babies.

Oh dear God. Where have all the sane people gone? There must be a way.

I have to have special powers. I will die for it. I am desperate and it's not good.

I'll get those stupid pRO players to hell and back, distribute their gears to the poor, and ban them for being morons. I will have my REVENGE!! I could feel it. Someone is going to help me. The help is near. I can sense it.

I will be the first real hero of Philippine Ragnarok Online. Eat that, GMs.

Eat that.

Author: Heathen
from RagnaBoard

Episode 3

What makes someone a true hero?

One needs not die a horrible death or wear his underwear outside his pants while jumping from one building to another and saving hot chicks along the way.

Sometimes, all you need is a couple of high-powered computers. And common sense.

I refuse to write how I got myself into this but I'll give you a clue: I'm just smart and you are not. And I want to be the first hero of Philippine Ragnarok Online.

And this much I can tell you: I can do anything I want. You don't know what I mean? Let me show you.

Remember Players 1 and 2, those pricks who flamed me for an empty bottle?

These are logs that was seen in the dusty town of Morroc, April 30, 2004.

Player1: Why the hell is my inventory full of empty bottles?
Player1: Must check Kafra...

*after 30 seconds*

Player1: OMGEEEE SOMEONE HACKED ME!!
Player1: All I see are empty bottles! Everywhere!!

And far to the busy city of Prontera, a poor thief had a pub and was sitting there for about three hours already.

"S> Empty Bottles. I have MANY. 10z each."

Yes. I believe he needed to sell everyone of it to get back to the game and buy himself gears again.

Why? Ahem. I am the hero, people. I am the hero.

Where was I that time? I was having fun. Real fun.

I wanted to change my name to "Hero" but an unlucky Star Circle Quest fanboy has gotten that name already. Unlucky, not me.

After logging in my triple-passworded computer, I searched for this "Hero" dude and saw his data. His logs show that he usually plays in a cafe in Guadalupe, City of Makati. I changed his name to "FANBOY666."

In Glast Heim, a hunter was one-shooting zombies of all kinds.

The damage of his double strafe was 20,000. There were complaining bastards everywhere.

The hunter was a great dude. That's me, and my name is Hero.

Author: Heathen
from RagnaBoard

Episode 4

I switched my character to a full-support priest and started giving full buffs to smart and not so smart people in GH. And when I say smart, they are the ones who talk less.

Relatively less than crazy bastards here and there screaming "HEAAAL PLZ!"

Then a PM.

fallenAngels: Hi poh.
Hero: Eh?
fallenAngels: pde po party?
Hero: Uh... sorry. I'm busy.
fallenAngels: sige na pohhh...
fallenAngels: pleeeaaaxxx

Three words: Oh. My. God.

If I say I am busy, you no longer have business bugging me. Don't even ask what I'm doing because I'll probably say I'm making out with your mom.

Hero: Uh I said I'm busy.
fallenAngels: kahit sandali lang pohh. plx.

I think I just repeated "I'm busy." Should I do that again? No. Once is enough.

I hate redundancy. It's a pathetic way to lose time.

Someone has to get barbeque sticks up her nose. I tried my best to be nice. But once more, I'm failing. That's it. I hear one more stupidity and this female hunter wearing a Pretend Murder on her head is history.

She's murdered.

Hero: Fine, I'll just finish doing your mom, I swear I'll do you too.
fallenAngels: Ok. =)

Three words again: Oh. My. God.

Did she just say "ok?"

I'll check the logs. Perhaps she said "I WILL KILL YOU HERO" but... No. She did say "Yes, screw me too."

I got my first fan. And she wants to have my baby. And my first fan is a screaming idiot. Someone has to get punished. No, I'm not screwing any idiots anytime in the near future.

She needs to go to a school. Any school. Badly.

First, she did not understand two simple words: "I'm busy."

Second, saying "Ok =)" after all I told her explains everything. They have no right playing any online computer game anymore. I needed more info.

Hero: Mate.
Hero: How old are you?
fallenAngels: 18 poh.

One word: Cool. Legal age, a little bit old for kindergarten. How about Mandaluyong Mental Institution? That will do.

Hero: Don't you think you should be back to kindergarten instead?
fallenAngels: Huh? Baket poh?
Hero: You're young. You don't talk like your age.
fallenAngels: Thank you poh.

Oh is that right? That's it. Something has to be done. Badly.

Hero: I have to send you back to kindergarten.
fallenAngels: Sa AMA na poh ako nag-aaral. =)
Hero: That explains it.
fallenAngels: Poh? =)
Hero: OMGEE. How about Kiddie Learning Center? KLC. Sounds nicer than AMA, don't you think?
fallenAngels: Pwede rin pohhh.

Her stupidity is overwhelming. I need to take a full scrub after this. Note that.

I logged in my triple-password protected PC. Search: "fallenAngels"

Data show a walking moron. Red Alert. Red Alert.

Gee, God prolly kicked this girl from heaven. Fits her name.

Twenty miles away from my work station, an AMA whatever-program-student playing RO instead of studying GMRC and English got a message in the middle of her screen.

"Disconnected from Server. Account terminated. Go to school instead and don't ruin your life pohh ok? Lovelots, Hero"

Well. I just did something good.

God loves me.

- - - - - - - - - - - -
note: no offense to mentioned schools please.

Author: Heathen
from RagnaBoard

Episode 5

Ragnarok Online is near everything. You can find almost all kinds of people here, from the elite to the retarded.

The only kind of people we do not have in RO are those we call normal people.

Now, the topic for the day. A serious case of abnormality. Here is a sighted pub in Payon by some hunter named "JoHnNy_19."

HiNdI k0 N KyAnG mBuHaY... JaNe, bMaLiK k N.. ='(

...another one near Morroc from little miss thief "sweetie222."

Klangan koh lng ng 2nay n kaibigan... ung hnd ako iiwan.

Three words: What. The. Hell.

What the hell are these guys doing in Ragnarok Online? They are causing lag, eating bandwidth that should be going to players who don't shit the game too much.

We have idiots with petty love problems, running around without their pants, screaming their souls out to the public as if they were the most deprived people in the world.

Face it, emo kids. This world is a painful place. If you whine because of these kinds of problems, you no longer have the right to breathe air. Quit the game, set your computer on fire, and jump off the nearest bridge.

The world needs you no more.

But I'm still the hero.

Let's take care first of JoHnNy_19. Personally, I believe that "being dead" is the best solution. It's like reformatting drive C: you know. A couple of moth balls for mint effect and he's fine.

I went to Payon and PMed JoHnNy_19 and said that his girl (whoever she is) wouldn't be coming back anytime soon because she's already mine. Before he could say anything back, I terminated his account.

DISCONNECTED FROM SERVER.

STOP LISTENING TO CUESHE AND HALE.

GET A LIFE. JANEY'S HAPPY WITH ME.

Time to get back to real life, buddy. The world is a painful place, get used to it.

I warped myself to Morroc and changed my outfit to that of a GM's. COOL. Sweetie222 was still there, sporting that "i need a friend, kill me please." pub.

Hero: Hi! You seem so sad.
sweetie222: opo...
sweetie222: i don't have a friend eh.
Hero: I can be your friend!!
sweetie222: talaga poh?!
Hero: Yes, of course. You now have a GM as a friend.
sweetie222: nyc!
sweetie222: ang bait nyo poh!

She seems happier now.

Hero: You want a +10 Very Very Strong Hero's Fire Damascus?
sweetie222: bbgyan nyo poh ako?
Hero: Of course! I'm your friend! =)
Hero: Friends help each other, right?
sweetie222: OPO!!

And so I gave her my +10 Very Very Strong Hero's Fire Damascus.

Hero: You want to know why you have no friends?
Hero: You are full of shit.
sweetie222: ANO POH?

Yes, you read it right honey.

Hero: Why don't you stab yourself with that damascus I gave you?
sweetie222: u're joking right?
Hero: I wish you were joking with that stupid pub of yours too.
Hero: But I see that your problem is serious.
Hero: So uh... I'm not joking.
sweetie222: akala ko poh frend ko kyo? T__T
Hero: Oh yes, I think I said that.
Hero: You need help?
Hero: I can stab you if you cannot do it yourself.

Seems like our sweetheart here isn't getting anything. I repeat: friends help each other. But sometimes, in order to help them out from deepshit, you have to stand up against them.

That's the only valuable idea I got from reading Harry Potter.

Hero: You are causing players lag. People will hate you for that.
Hero: You cannot have friends if people hate you.
sweetie222: hnd nmn poh eh.
Hero: . . .
Hero: I will help you quit.
Hero: For your own good.

DISCONNECTED FROM SERVER. WITH LOVE FROM YOUR CONCERNED FRIEND, HERO.


Repeat after me: YOU DON'T COMPLAIN IF YOU DON'T HAVE FRIENDS.

You don't have friends? There must be something really wrong with you, and it's your fault. Making a pub about it in any online game will only make it worse. People will hate you for eating bandwidth and causing lag.

Soon, you'd be lying dead in the nearest carpark, raped and chopped to a hundred little pieces.

Well, you just made friends with perverted criminals and they just helped you get out of life. So when the time comes, just spread your legs and enjoy.

Til next time.

Author: Heathen
from RagnaBoard

Episode 6

You don't have to be a ps.ychiatrist to realize that you're talking to a retard.

So I was having a good time playing with cute, bouncing, pink little creatures south of Prontera when something caught my attention.

When I say "caught my attention," it spells something like D-I-S-T-U-R-B-I-N-G.

When we talk about disturbing stuffs, we mean R-E-T-A-R-D-E-D people playing pRO. Exactly. That's like having a porn show in front of curious grade three children. Retarded.

And when we say retarded, we are talking about people who are supposed to be dead, but are not. Not yet.

Somewhere in the field, in the midst of porings eternally hopping until some idiot uses level 10 fire bolt on them, a level 32 swordsman made a pub.

AFK: TUMATAE, DO NOT DISTURB.

Three Words: SERIOUS AS HELL.

I double-clicked the pub.

Hero: Hey dude, please PM me when you're done.
Hero: We need to talk.

Then I played with the porings again. Don't ask how. I can do everything, right?

After 10 years... I mean... 20-something minutes, after murdering a thousand porings or so and wondering what he was doing inside the shitroom for that long, I finally got a PM from Slayer_Asassin.

Too bad he did not suffocate with his own stink.

So much for a swordsman named assassin. Strike one.

Strike two for misspelling assassin. Strike three for making the pub that could win the "most retarded pub" ever made in RO history.

Strike three means what? Right. It means OUT.

Slayer_Asassin: Why?
Hero: What the hell is "asassin"
Slayer_Asassin: The job of my main character.

Yeah right. Somebody's more powerful than I am.

Hero: You mean, you practically made a new job class, called ASASSIN?
Hero: You're cool, dude.
Slayer_Asassin: What are you talking about?
Hero: There's no such thing as "asassin."
Slayer_Asassin: Idiot, that comes after being a thief.
Slayer_Asassin: You should know the game more, moron.
Hero: Oh. You mean ASSASSIN. I think you misspelled it.
Slayer_Asassin: . . .
Slayer_Asassin: . . .
Hero: . . . ?
Slayer_Asassin: I did that on purpose.

OH RLY. I think not. I wish I could give him STRIKE 4 for making the lamest excuse on earth, but three is enough.

Hero: You should be banned.
Slayer_Asassin: For misspelling my name?
Hero: No. For being an idiot.
Hero: And for spreading it in Midgard.
Slayer_Asassin: You idiot.
Slayer_Asassin: You're not even a GM.
Hero: For God's love.
Hero: I don't have to be a GM to realize you're an retard.
Slayer_Asassin: I'm talking about you, banning me.
Hero: So you're admitting that you're a retard.
Hero: But I just cannot ban you?
Slayer_Asassin: Huh?

STRIKE FIVE FOR BEING SLOW. Oh my god, may mother earth take care of this little creature.

Hero: Where are your parents? I need to talk to them.
Slayer_Asassin: They're not here. I'm alone.

The situation was becoming serious. These kinds of children must never be left alone!

Man, they could even make a ball of cotton the most dangerous weapon of mass destruction on the face of the planet.

Hero: I can ban you, seriously.
Slayer_Asassin: Really. I'm afraid.
Hero: Eh?
Slayer_Asassin: You cannot scare me.
Slayer_Asassin: Even if you summon Bapho by your side.
Slayer_Asassin: Not that you can actually do it. HAH.
Hero: Let's see.

I logged in my killer computer. I scanned our locations, and made sure no porings will be harmed.

Then I summoned Baphomet.

Slayer_Asassin: What the...

Four big, white letters appeared on our screen: 2050.

The next time I saw was a dead swordsman. Dead as meat. But that was what *I* saw.

What our poor loser here had seen is different:



Much have been said.

One last thing to note, people. If you don't want your account terminated, please, for the love of God, do not make your retardation obvious by making such pub under the trees.

And to parents out there, if you really care about your children, please, if they are retarded, do not leave them alone. Because if your children is mentally ill, there is definitely no difference between leaving them with sharp objects and leaving them with a ball of feather.

Anything is deadly.

Everything is in their heads.

Author: Heathen
from RagnaBoard

Episode 7
**Part 1 of 2**

(I warned you, creeps. Not for children.)

Drunk people do crazy things. And I can get drunk whenever I want to and play the game while under the influence.

So I took a break pwning noobs and morons. IT WAS OH-MY-BIRTHDAY AFTER ALL!!

One of the most memorable moments of my life as an RO player was my birthday celebration. I hit a small but happy party with some of my good, smart friends. That means?

Definitely not in-game. No f'ing way I'm celebrating my birthday with in-game retards.

So we went to Marlon's billiards hall located somewhere in Timog Avenue. Played a couple of dozen 8-balls. And drunk beer. Shitloads of beer.

Then I got a call from a hot former guildmate chick, Catherine* after the drinking spree. I was half-wasted.

Catherine: Hi Charles~
Catherine: Happy, happy birthday.

I love it when she calls me "Charles." Very sexy.

Catherine: Am I not invited to your party?
Charlie: AAH~ Actually, I was about to call you, honey. Honey... What's up?
Catherine: Great~ I have something for you. Let's meet.
Charlie: You have ahhh... car? You drivin' somethin'?
Catherine: Why, honey-bunny?
Charlie: I'm...aaaaah... half-wasted. Too much... yeah... beer.
Catherine: Half wasted? That's sexier, hon. I'll pick you up, honey-bunny~
Catherine: This will be so much fun~

Hmm, I dunno what's in your minds right now, but to those who have the little evil thoughts playing there already, you bitches are as right as the Websters Dictionary. Certainly, my bed wasn't going to be lonely that night.

Unfortunately, that's not our story. Heroes still keep a private life, you know. Tell you? Dream on, losers. Dream on. Why not hit a party yourself and not die right there? Oh well... to hell with your lives, I'll be owning your ass-accounts later anyway.

Before the real fun started (you know what I mean), we decided to have some sort of teaser by playing Ragnarok Online with a little variation.

Who said Ragnarok Online sucks? You're probably playing it wrong, people. With a little drop of creativity, you can always have game variations that can rock the hell out of your frozen lazyass souls.

And make the game more colorful than ever. Eat that, DoTA.

It was 1 in the morning, we took down three cans of beer first along with a plate of fresh oysters before logging in the game. Hmm. What's my favorite rogue skill again?

That's right again, sweethearts.

Strip armor.

And I love it more when the armor is the one we get from killing Zeroms in the sphinx dungeon. You know what I mean, right? /gg

Seriously, if 'til this point you are not getting anything, PLEASE, for the love of God, stop reading and shoot yourself with your dad's service gun.

Back to the story. What was the deal? We had something in common: we both had a level 56 hunter.

Both low-leveled hunters piloted by obviously drunk couple will go to GH and fight zombies, flies, and other monsters. And by saying drunk, we mean minds not working properly. Both should stay alive.

First to die shall strip one clothing. Then both shall go back to town to get full heals. Then round two starts, until one dies again and strip another clothing. Repeat step one and two until one has run out of stuff to strip.

But there were rules, just like any other competition:

~> No FS priests
~> No other equips but:

1) Gakkung
2) 2000 Silver Arrows


~> No other items but:

1) 100 pcs White Potions
2) 10 pcs Awakening Potions



And the contest began. *hic*

...to be continued.

Author: Heathen
from RagnaBoard

Episode 7
**Part 2 of 2**

The first round started.

Two naked hunters driven by light-headed happy couple practically barged in the dungeon full of sonic blowing Injustices and Rybios like a pair of dimwit novices against a pack of desert wolves.

Worse then being retarded, they were drunk.

Catherine was delirious. She was DSing everywhere like a demented freak being attacked by a thousand pink elephants.

I was taking things calmly at the moment, pretty confident for the win. Catherine? She was draining SP, running out if whites on the first round when an injustice spawned behind her.

Catherine: Uh, Charles, I need help.
Charlie: I'll pretend I didn't hear that.
Catherine: Help help help!!
Charlie: Tralala~ Look, there's a cute zombie.
Catherine: HELP.

My special birthday guest was firing arrows everywhere. It was really fun watching the panic.

Charlie: ...
Catherine: Heeellppp~
Charlie: Where's the English-Latin dictionary?
Charlie: I'm not familiar with the word, "help."

Catherine's HP dropped faster than she could say "help." Damn that Latin word, hon. Damn that Latin word.

Oh wait, HELP is an english word!

Charlie: Catherine... I know what "help" means!
Charlie: Need assistance, honey?

No response.

I looked at her. Oh shit. She's mad. Drunk angry ladies, by experience, are *NOT* nice people. But the hell, that was a game. And she just spilled FIRST BLOOD.

Charlie: AHAHA~ Strip now!
Catherine: Do that again, asshole, you're not getting anything tonight.
Charlie: ...
Charlie: I really can't remember doing anything.

She shot me another angry (read: sexy) look. She cursed a bit and took her shirt off.

SWEET LEAPING JESUS!

Does this girl know that humans can actually wear undergarments?! Holy... mother... of...

Charlie: Wow.
Catherine: Wow, what?
Charlie: That's...
Catherine: What??
Charlie: Nothing. I just remembered we can have fruits after this.
Catherine: What fruits?
Charlie: Watermelons.

Round two started. Yeah right.

A wave or red hunter flies welcomed us... oh. Welcomed ME. And they were all picking on MY hunter.

Charlie: Why the hell isn't my hunter attacking?
Catherine: The hell I know? Try clicking them.
Charlie: I AM CLICKING.
Catherine: Click harder.

...

Catherine: Idiot drunkard, click on the monsters, not on my avatar.
Charlie: I need help. I'm dying.
Catherine: Oh I'll pretend I didn't hear that, honey. Haha.

It's now proven. Alcohol plus a topless hot lady beside you playing RO can drive your mind to La-La Land faster than a spinning bullet through Kennedy's head.

F'ing crazier than fighting a thousand flying pink elephants.

And round two went to Catherine, the topless lady beside me. I had to strip my shirt.

Badly, so did round three. Say bye to my wristwatch.
Round four had the same fate. There goes my pants.

I didn't have my shoes and socks on. So losing the next rounds means death... well... not really.

Charlie: You're cheating, honey!
Catherine: AHAHA.
Catherine: Not my fault your eyes are on my Mt. Mjolnirs instead of being on the game.

Yeah right. So off with round five. Chance or lose.

Catherine was DSing like hell again. She was out of potions too. Perhaps round five's gonna be mine.

Dodging spawning zombies and hoarding them to her, she was running nuts, cursing me with any possible shit a half-drunk woman in panic could ever think of.

The mob. The lovely mob I created would surely finish this round.

A hunterfly was kicking her ass. My mob was comming.

Her HP was constantly draining. Here's my shit, lady. Watch this... oh... no.

No.

NO!!!

A wizard popped out of nowhere like a normal robber would do and summoned a ball of energy to help the dying huntress.

The hunter fly dropped dead. You, wizard, you're gonna be next.

Charlie: HEY YOU!
Charlie: What the hell was that for?
Wizard: /swt
Charlie: I'll pwn you, man, you lousy freakin' dimwit!
Charlie: Then I'll make a fic out of your ass.
Wizard: /heh

Let's see if you can still laugh after I terminate your account and distribute your gears to the needy.

Wait. Oh how could this be?

My HP bar is at 1/4!? OH MY MOB!! MY MOB WAS KILLING ME. Judases.

Then I lagged for a couple of seconds. Then a sudden fast-forward.

The next thing I saw were my dead hunter, a laughing huntress, and a wizard teleporting to God-knows-where. I looked at Catherine.

Charlie: Crap.
Catherine: STRIP.

DISCONNECTED FROM SERVER.

---

Author: Heathen
from RagnaBoard

Episode 8

Why are lots of players getting hacked?

Poor service from the company? Smart hackers with godlike hacking tools? Vulnerable, unprotected servers? IT crews watching porn instead of doing their jobs?

No. A vast majority of hack cases is caused by one, simple thing: being dropped headfirst as a baby.

These dimwits have brain damage, serious damage enough to put crayons and chalk and sand and toy soldiers inside their mouths as children. These snotty kids should have choked.

But they are alive, and they are playing Ragnarok Online with YOU. (Scary, huh?)

I put on my GM outfit and tried to prove it. I almost lost my life.

A pub in Prontera: HLP GMs! I AM HACKED.

Made by a level 96 Lord Knight. Wee~ This one is worth banning.

Actually, you'll never run out of these shit in Prontera. There is a place, a lovely place where all retards gather to start a revolution, blaming others for the deepshit they're in.

Hero: There seems to be a problem.
Crazy_Love: A GM!
Hero: Uh-huh. Here to save the day, sir.
Crazy_Love: WOW.

He's amused. Really, really amused.

Hero: So you've been hacked.
Hero: You have any idea who did it?
Crazy_Love: My cousin's friends sir!
Crazy_Love: They hacked me!!!
Hero: Calm down, sir. How can you be so sure?
Crazy_Love: Because they don't like me.

Oh, very judgemental. No. Very stupid.

If somebody doesn't like you, it doesn't mean that if you get shot while walking home from school, it's his fault already. That's ignorant. Just that somebody else must have been very smart to shoot you and make this world a better living place.

But not necessarily the one who hates you. So let's get back to business...

Hero: That's plain accusation, sir.
Hero: You don't have hard evidence.
Crazy_Love: I have hard evidence!!

That's surprising. An idiot with hard evidence. I'm interested.

Hero: Screenshots?
Hero: Chat logs?
Crazy_Love: No.
Crazy_Love: I know for a fact that my cousin knew my password.
Hero: Oh. How come.
Crazy_Love: Because I told him.
Hero: You told him your password?
Crazy_Love: YES!

Hooray. No screenshots, no chat logs, just the stupidity. Hard evidence enough.

Hero: You must be very stupid to do that.
Crazy_Love: Hey, you can't tell that to me!
Hero: Why not?
Crazy_Love: Because I'm not stupid.
Hero: Don't you know that lying is bad?
Hero: I should ban you instead.
Crazy_Love: I need another GM.
Hero: Sorry, I am the one assigned handling morons.
Hero: Like you, for example.

But it shouldn't be THAT easy. Something was very fishy there that I decided to have a little more talk.

Give him a benifit of the doubt, man. Maybe it's very improbable, but it's possible that he's not... a moron. No. Yes. No. Alright. He's a moron, no doubt.

Hero: Say, I won't ban you.
Hero: Unless you give me a good reason why you told your cousin your password.
Crazy_Love: So he could fix the config...
Hero: HEY. What CONFIG?!

*five seconds passed*

. . .

Hero: HEY~!
Crazy_Love: I'm kidding. ^___^
Crazy_Love: We don't bot.
Hero: O RLY?!
Crazy_Love: I just trust him.
Crazy_Love: So can't you just give my items back?

Bot huh. Bot. Well, he's stupid enough to give his cousin his password, and he's retarded enough to tell me that the reason why he did that is to allow his cousin to BOT HIM!

HAH.

Hero: Why should I give your items back?
Hero: I didn't take them.
Crazy_Love: They did.
Hero: I know.
Hero: And you bot, you sunuvabitch.
Crazy_Love: I said I was kidding.
Hero: Sorry, my sense of humor is down.
Hero: I have to ban you.
Crazy_Love: MY LEVEL 96 LORD KNIGHT?
Crazy_Love: Why ban me?
Crazy_Love: I'm not the hacker here!
Hero: But you're the stupid one.
Hero: Bye, honey. Bye.

Disconnected from Server.
Your account has been blocked by the Batman.

Man, I should be a real GM.

Author: Heathen
from RagnaBoard

Episode 8.5
Mini-update, yay~

I have a short update for everyone. And may this become a warning too before I proceed to Episode 9.

Not so long ago, my friends and I were having some fun in Morroc. It was a test of typing speed. We would play a song and then we would encode the lyrics in-game like typing speed demons.

Those who were able to keep track of the song til the end without missing a line would receive a rare item from me, and those who would get silenced for spamming are simply idiots, we'd lock them together completely naked in the bathroom. Well, it was fun until the next day:

We saw a group of retarded hunters playing our game.

Killerz9: Hindi naman ako tanga
Killerz9: Alam ko na wala kana
Killerz9: Pero mahirap lang na tanggapin
Killerz9: Di na kita kapiling
Killerz9: Iniwan mo ako nag-iisa
Killerz9: Sa gitna ng dilim at basing-basa pa sa ulaaaaan~

Let's play a guessing game now. What is a band that is not really a band but a boyband, has an extra feeling guapo as a vocalist but a singing deformed dickhead in reality, writes the crappiest song lyrics ever made in history that you would consider blasting your head with a shotgun after listening, and has a dog's name as a band name?

Right, you are. Cueshe.

Alright, people. Read and repeat after me: WE DON'T SPAM RAGNAROK ONLINE WITH RETARDED-EMO CUESHE LYRICS.

Alright. I assume you already know what happened to Killerz9.

Not?

Hero: Hey.
Hero: Stop that.
Killerz9: You talkin' to me?
Hero: Yes, you pathetic Cueshe fanboy.
Killerz9: I'm not a fanboy.
Hero: Oh sorry. You're not a fanboy.
Hero: You are a fanboy.
Killerz9: Huh? I'm not a fanboy!
Hero: You're not a fanboy. I get it.
Hero: You are a fanboy.
Killerz9: I'm confused.
Hero: Of course you are. You are a fanboy.
Hero: Fanboys are always confused. We call that personality crisis.

Disconnected from Server. No fanboys allowed in-game.

Read this: If you want to sing Cueshe, you can actually sing it to yourself alone and not kill normal people. Otherwise, if I catch you, I'll grab your head and plunge it to the toilet bowl until you drown there with shit and everything.

And we're talking about fanboys anyway...

I hate fanboys.

Be one and post here in my thread, I'll make sure you drown in the toilet too.

Author: Heathen
from RagnaBoard

Episode 9

Hey hey. What's more exciting?

1) Crushing a n00b selling hacked stuff,
2) Terminating the account of the first (or all) level 90 assassin cross we see botting,
3) Or definitely none of the above?

Right you are!! There's nothing more like getting even with a Real GM.

Apparently, one of the dimwits we have terminated these past days wasn't only retarded, but also a "cry-baby, look mommy, someone pwned me."

And look what I found out, it was Slayer_Asassin!! Remember him? He's the one who got eaten alive by the Baphomet.

Hmm. Let's have a rewind:

Quote :

Hero: There's no such thing as "asassin."
Slayer_Asassin: Idiot, that comes after being a thief.
Slayer_Asassin: You should know the game more, moron.
Hero: Oh. You mean ASSASSIN. I think you misspelled it.
Slayer_Asassin: . . .
Slayer_Asassin: . . .
Hero: . . . ?
Slayer_Asassin: I did that on purpose.

Yay. So many crazy people aroud, it's really hard to remember these guys.

So it was not my day, alright? Definitely NOT my day. I was walking home from a mall when a couple of noisy colegialas accidentally bumped on me, spilling Dunkin Donuts hot chocolate on my shirt.

No. Not just my shirt. That was hot choco on my skin. That means it burned me. When we say I got burned, I am surely not in a good mood.

And when we say I'm not in a good mood, that means I am about to feed a dozen morons to baphomet, or simply terminate random accounts with bad (read: ugly) usernames. That makes me happy.

So I was eating potato chips in front of the computer while watching passers by come and go in Morroc. I've terminated five accounts already for disturbing me.

Non0y: Gimme zeny please.
Hero: ,,l,,

DISCONNECTED FROM SERVER. ACCOUNT TERMINATED. HUHUHU. F'YOU.

I just wanted to be at peace eating potato chips. I didn't want to talk. I was in a horrible mood, and that's worse than a 50-year old woman at menopausal stage.

But that's inevitable. I got a personal message from a real GM. (They weren't called Vanguards then. Still, same difference, same idiots, same hypocrites in white suits.)

[GM]Anna: Hello sir.
[GM]Anna: We have received complaints regarding your behaviour in-game.
Hero: I'm eating potato chips.
Hero: So I don't give a shit.
Hero: Some moron just spilled hot choco on my chest.
[GM]Anna: That's not a nice thing to say, sir.
[GM]Anna: You are warned.
Hero: Warn my ass.

I told you. Never shit me when I say "I'm eating potato chips."

*warps to GM room*

Hero: What now?
[GM]Anna: I have to detain you.

*warps back to Morroc*

Hero: You can't do that.
Hero: I AM EATING MY GODDAMN POTATO CHIPS.

. . .

*ten seconds ticked away*

[GM]Anna: How the hell did you do that?
Hero: Watch your language.
Hero: I'm warning you.
[GM]Anna: Did you just warp us back in Morroc?
Hero: Didn't you see?
Hero: Hey~ Wanna go to Prontera?
[GM]Anna: What...

*warps to Prontera Cathedral*

[GM]Anna: What are we doing here?
Hero: Will you marry me, honey?

I wish I could see the facial reactions of whoever bastard controling [GM]Anna that time. Probably she was considering chainsawing her head in disbelief. That would have been so cool.

I would love to see a Level-Up! Games employees commiting suicide.

[GM]Anna: Look, sir.
[GM]Anna: I have no idea how you did that...
Hero: Doesn't matter.
Hero: We're here. This is the church.
Hero: Will you marry me?

Of course I wasn't serious.

I was just taking my time logging on to the other computer, ready to disconnect this GM.

[GM]Anna: If you tell me how you did that...
[GM]Anna: I will marry you.
Hero: You wish.

I clicked the button.

She disappeared.

That was easy. But five minutes after, I got another GM call. It seems like they were really up destroying Charlie. But nobody could beat me.

Have you head of the saying, "If you can't beat them, join them?"

Well in our case, it's like "If you can't beat Hero, then let's be friends."

[GM]Gabriel: Hello sir.
[GM]Gabriel: It seems like you have acquired extraordinary skills not fit for a normal player.
Hero: Blah blah blah.
[GM]Gabriel: Look, I will ask you this personally. Not as an employee.

Unless [GM]Gabriel is gay or something and he would ask me out for dinner and make me his dinner instead, I SOOO LOVE PERSONAL FAVORS.

[GM]Gabriel: I have to admit that we have tried terminating your account.
Hero: Blah blah.
[GM]Gabriel: But you were good at blocking it.
Hero: I know. AHAHAHA. Blah blah blah.
[GM]Gabriel: Now, I have a bright idea.

I've never head of a "bright idea" from a GM. Now, that's interesting.

[GM]Gabriel: If you could just fix the way you talk...
[GM]Gabriel: I mean... be nice to people...

WHAT? You mean be nice to retards? No f'ing way, you hypocrite. Not a bright idea at all!

[GM]Gabriel: Then... I can personally recommend you...
[GM]Gabriel: To become an official GM of Philippine Ragnarok Online.

Official GM of Ragnarok Online? But be nice to idiots in return?

Hmmmmm... that' something to think about.

I am gonna think about it. What do you think?

Well, not that I care about what you think...

But nevermind that. Official GM? Hmm..

Author: Heathen
from RagnaBoard

Episode 10

One must always think wisely before making a decision, unless the issue is about banning RO retards.

That's wise by default, that's why.

So let's make a list of PROs and CONs regarding this not-so-big offer.

PROs:

1) I get to ban people legally.
2) That only.

CONs:

1) I have to be reasonable.
2) Less exciting.
3) I am NOT allowed to say "you are a retard. BANNED."
4) I am NOT allowed to say "you are pwned for being a moron. BANNED."
5) I am NOT allowed to say "you no longer have the right to live. BANNED."
6) I am NOT allowed to say "fuck you. BANNED."
7) I am NOT allowed to say "you are banned because I want to. BANNED"

But I'll let you in a secret. [GM]Gabriel told me off the record that he needed someone as active as I am to get to work. He also said that I was gonna love the job and I could leave anytime I want.

I see they're playing the game. They were just trying to keep me controlled, that's all. And trying really hard at that.

Well anyway, no one can really own Hero but me because I was more powerful than they were.

So why not give it a shot just for one day?

So I txted [GM]Gabriel (yes, he gave me his number, and asked me for dinner) and told him I was going to give a shot.

Charlie: Hey, as long as no stupid EBs and other GM meetings at office, I'm in.
[GM]Gabriel: What are you talking about? We need to report @ office in order to be an official GM!
Charlie: Then forget it. I will ban the first one hundred merchants I'll see in Pront.
[GM]Gabriel: That's the spirit. You're in. Log in the game please.

[GM]Gabriel asked for the last favor: Keep my mouth shut. I mean, when someone asks how I became a GM, I should pretend I applied normally and did not know [GM]Gabriel at all.

Well that's not a really nice favor to ask from Charlie (because I'm an honest and nice guy) but since I was in a good mood after eating the best food out there (read: Tapsilog), I just ignored the favor. Yes, blah blah blah, whatever you want.

Besides, I'm starting to like [GM]Gabriel's guts. He got me a job.

Hero: Alright. I want to handle less retarded cases.
Hero: But I want to handle whiny bitches too.
[GM]Gabriel: Alright. The whiny bitches are yours.
Hero: Good.
[GM]Gabriel: Choose your server.
Hero: Fenrir.
Hero: Can I handle two?
[GM]Gabriel: Not too fast.
Hero: I want two.
[GM]Gabriel: Trust me, you won't like it.
Hero: I want my name changed.
[GM]Gabriel: We'll get that processed.
Hero: . . .
GM*Hero: Well, it's done. Haha, you slow-assed sunuvabitch.
[GM]Gabriel: You're not gonna tell me how you did that, will you?
GM*Hero: Sure. I'll do that when I'm dead.
GM*Hero: But I'll like it better if you're dead instead.

Five seconds later, [GM]Gabriel sent the yellow message at the top of every player of pRO's screen.

That includes scammers, hackers, noobs, retards and my favorite, whiny bitches.

FOR ALL COMPLAINTS/PROBLEMS REGARDING RAGNAROK ONLINE, PLEASE PM THE NEW GAME MASTER IN-CHARGE, GM*Hero.

[GM]Gabriel: Good luck.
GM*Hero: Yeah right.

Yeah right. YEAH RIGHT.

Fourteen minutes after I sent that text message to [GM]Gabriel, I was already being flooded by messages from all sorts of retards:

kwekwek15: GM NAHAK PU AKO
totoy_nobis: GM palimos po
nene_panget: may BUG po sa CASTLE!!
-=Voltes5=-: PaLimus poooooo plsssss
[theGrudge]: Nahack po ako, help.
legolashunter: GM scammer po si FRODO_BAGGINS666
_gandalfdwizard_: GM pakiBAND po si frodo_Baggins666
frodo_Baggins666: GM ban plx legolas and gandalf. scammer poh.
GirlNextDoor: GM Will you marry me?!?!?!

That was my first 30 seconds as an official GM. I'm officially the greatest retard-magnet too.

(I guess Ragnaboards moderators get lotsa shit like those too!)

Anyway, the whole cast of Lord of the Rings PMing me sparked my interest. And when we say something sparked my interest?

Right. That means someone is about to get in deepshit.

frodo_Baggins666, people, is a priestess. Interesting, huh? You thought he's a hobbit! So I warped everone to the GM Room.

GM*Hero: frodo, why the name?
frodo_Baggins666: I'm the ring-bearer.
GM*Hero: Who's the bride and groom?

Ok. I didn't entirely get it. I decided not to play-retard and get back to business.

/exall
/automessage: PM ME AFTER 5 minutes.

Yes, I have automessage, don't complain.

GM*Hero: So you know why you're here now?
frodo_Baggins666: they're scammers.
_gandalfdwizard_: ASA
legloashunter: you're the scammer.
GM*Hero: SO WHAT HAPPENED?!
frodo_Baggins666: they're scammers!!
_gandalfdwizard_: ASA!!
legloashunter: you're the scammer!!

Uh-huh.

GM*Hero: You know where this is?
GM*Hero: This is the GM room.
frodo_Baggins666: I know. Please ban those two.
legolashunter: please ban her please.
_gandalfdwizard_: BAND HER.
frodo_Baggins666: No. Ban those two!
GM*Hero: So who got the ring?
GM*Hero: WHO GOT THE GODDAMN RING?
frodo_Baggins666: What ring? They stole my slotted boots!
GM*Hero: Oh. What game is this?
GM*Hero: Ah, I forgot we're in Ragnarok Online.
GM*Hero: I thought we're on Lord of the Rings Online.
GM*Hero: Sorry guys. I'm confused.
_gandalfdwizard_: band frodo plx
GM*Hero: Well, guys, you know how retarded you are?
GM*Hero: Retarded enough not to be spared.

Guessing game again. What's the most confusing job in the world? Yes. Being a GM if you're an idiot to get confused. Now, today is not my day.

I got a GM call from someone who wanted to marry me and I was wasting my precious time on these three creeps?

Hell no. Why get confused? Ok. Lemme choose one to get terminated.

No. "All" is better.

DISCONNECTED FROM SERVER. YOUR ACCOUNTS ARE 'BAND.'
CHOOSE ANY OF THESE NAMES IF YOU WANT TO GET BACK TO GAME:
1) Tinky Winky 2) Dip-sy 3) Lala 4) Po

Well, I gave them four so that they won't have to argue anymore. One can have an extra name.

This job is so cool. I just turned Frodo the ring bearer, Gandalf the wizard, and mister-gwapo-but-gay Orlando Bloom into teletubbies.

Author: Heathen
from RagnaBoard

Well the Charlie name is derived from my favorite celebrity, Charles Manson. He's a superstar.
And the style is inspired by [GM]Dave's Bannable Offenses. Next episode plx.

Episode 11

I hate people who take things literally. This world is such a naturally poetic place.

And chaotic. You know why we have religion wars of all sorts? You know why from pressing remote control buttons for TV sunday mass and bible debates, we now have people pulling triggers of real automatic submachine guns?

Because people take things literally. Those who make shit out of lovely figures of speech we use in literature and fictions. And by that, it takes 'em 5 years to realize that they've made a horrible mistake of taking some passage from the Bible literally.

That's when the death toll is no longer tragic but an amazing statistic. A leader at five years killing a million cute babies instead of five minutes killing only himself is tragic AND statistic.

Not to forget stupid, btw.

Killed babies, spared morons. Morons in court for killing babies. Morons condemned by smarter morons who were just to good at hiding their dirty deeds.

So now, how to spot these dangerous morons and get rid of them before they start another civil war, Ragnarok Online style?

Two words: Confuse Them.

Here's another call we got from somebody who had shit as brains:
GM, PLEASE CHECK POSSIBLE BOTS @ MOC_PYRAMIDS.

Let's translate it:
GM I THINK I...

No. Of course you don't think.

Let's rephrase it again:
GM I AM A WHINY BITCH AND I'VE NEVER SEEN A BOT BEFORE IN MY WHOLE LIFE!

Much better. Direct to the point, and no questions asked.

That's fun, you know. Reading between the lines and finding hidden and subliminal messages. Like searching for a biblical message out of a Maria Ozawa Japanese Adult Video show and the orgasmic feeling like you've discovered the path to immortality when you find one.

Feels so goddamn good.

But the example I gave above is still long and poetic. How about, "GM I AM A RETARD BAN ME PLXXXX."

That's more like it. Love it? LOVE IT.

GM*Hero: Hello miss Priestess!
GM*Hero: I see you are in distress.
Angel-of-Doom: We have BOTS in the pyramids!!!!!

Oh my God we have sand at the beach!

GM*Hero: Yay. Really?
Angel-of-Doom: Yes! I'll show you.
GM*Hero: No need. They might eat us.
Angel-of-Doom: Huh?
GM*Hero: How do they look like?
Angel-of-Doom: They look like regular characters!
GM*Hero: Cool. I thought bots look like monsters.
Angel-of-Doom: They don't!
GM*Hero: They don't??
Angel-of-Doom: They look like us.

I didn't know that.

Angel-of-Doom: Come, I'll show you and you ban them.
GM*Hero: You're telling me what to do?
Angel-of-Doom: Yes!! Come!!
GM*Hero: You're telling me what to do?
Angel-of-Doom: YES!! You coming or not?

Did this retard just tell me to come with him/her to a dark dungeon? God knows what might happen there. Either I get raped, or I get infected by a serious brain damaging virus.

Somebody teach this kid how to read between the lines.

But that's a gift I have. I can read between the lines and I can easily solve problems in 5 minutes. The key is simple: Do not take things literally. You'll solve the problem more efficiently and effectively if we kill the roots that way.

GM*Hero: I have to ban you.
GM*Hero: You're a moron.

Man, I love being an official GM. I said "moron" and I'm getting away with it.

Angel-of-Doom: You cannot tell me that.
GM*Hero: And you cannot tell a lion to eat vegetables.
GM*Hero: Because we all know they are carnivores.
Angel-of-Doom: Of course not.... uh... yeah.
GM*Hero: Let me translate.
Angel-of-Doom: Translate what?
GM*Hero: Latin phrase?
Angel-of-Doom: You said a Latin phrase?
GM*Hero: You read a Latin phrase?
Angel-of-Doom: No
GM*Hero: Ave atque vale.
GM*Hero: Now you're seeing one.

Ave atque vale: Hail and farewell.

Angel-of-Doom: COOL.
GM*Hero: Now I'm banning you.

DISCONNECTED FROM SERVER. ACCOUNT TERMINATED.
Audio, video, disco: (I hear, I see, I learn)
LEARN COOL LATIN PHRASES EVERYDAY.

Did you see that? I solved the problem as easy as breathing. It took my 5 minutes, alright, but what's 5 minutes compared to 45 minutes that it would have taken if I went with our lucky (and retarded) contestant today to that dark dungeon?

Reading between the lines and learning to use context clues pays off. Saves you time, and saves you from getting mind-raped by mentally constipated people.

Really.

I did solve the problem. Let's check the PMs.

gmHelp!gmPalimos!gmNeedTank!gmScammerSiBlahblah!gmScammerAko!gmpalimuuuussss!

Do you see any complaints regarding bots in Morroc Pyramids? Uh-huh.

SOLVED.

I'll give you something to work on. Decode this. NOW. Otherwise, you'll be joining A-o-D naked in the dungeon.

"kahgsagaj]s\kgpkaga0iks[gmldjmgfasmf'asf.as'gma'pgj'asfmasnmgagasgas..."

Author: Heathen
from RagnaBoard

Episode 12

Although I really don't give a damn about it, real money trading system is not allowed.

What is RMT? That's when an absolute idiot looks for another absolute idiot to sell his bot-earned currency for prepaid load by making pubs with pathetic metaphors.

When we say "pathetic metaphors," we mean metaphors used horribly. And when we say say "horribly used," that means even Satan can run crazy and miserable right upon reading it, he'd probably consider putting up airconditioners in hell.

I hate people who cannot use metaphors properly.

B> Isang linggong ligaya, TUF.

For those who cannot understand Filipino, let me translate that:
"I'm either suicidal or ignorant. Either way, I am certainly mentally challenged (a.k.a. 'Tarded UnFortunate). Please rape me and kill me."

GM*Hero: Heya, the sun is shining.
GM*Hero: I understand it is a great day for suicidal emos.
RMTrader: Top-up first?

It took me thirty seconds before I realized that that's what TUF meant, but only a split moment to realize I was talking to someone more retarded than a bot with config authored by an autistic 3-year old child.

GM*Hero: I understand that you are definitely nuts.
GM*Hero: Not to mention "too excited for afterlife."
GM*Hero: Have you written your suicide note already?
RMTrader: ???
GM*Hero: You speak english?
RMTrader: Yes. And I'm not suicidal.
GM*Hero: Are you aware that you're dangerously ill?
RMTrader: What? I'm not sick.
GM*Hero: Oh.

My bad.

How could I forget that most mentally challenged people are not aware that they are sick? To me, the mere knowledge that they exist is waaaay scarier than starving to death.

GM*Hero: You sound like George W Bush.
RMTrader: I sound like a politician?
GM*Hero: No. You sound like a gas-brained monkey.
GM*Hero: Are you aware that RMTs are not allowed?
RMTrader: What are RMTs?
GM*Hero: Retarded Men Trading.
GM*Hero: And because I am "Really Moody Tonight."
GM*Hero: I am up to some "Random Moron Termination."
GM*Hero: Only replace "random" with "not-so-random."
RMTrader: I don't get it.
RMTrader: You're crazy.
RMTrader: Are you going to sell load or what?

Ohohohoh. Merry Christmas. Am I still wearing my santa suit and not my GM suit? Let me check.

It's white. It's not red. And it's obvious. But let's play the game a little more.

GM*Hero: How much?
RMTrader: 10 million zennies.
GM*Hero: What the humanity, that's too much.
GM*Hero: How about one?
RMTrader: One million? You're stupid.
GM*Hero: Why? I like the word "one."
GM*Hero: It sounds like "BAN."
RMTrader: ??
GM*Hero: You're still not getting it?
RMTrader: Hell no.
GM*Hero: It's your lucky day.
GM*Hero: You're suicidal.
GM*Hero: You'll go to hell.
GM*Hero: But I am ready to take the sin.
RMTrader: WHAT
GM*Hero: You don't have to kill yourself.
GM*Hero: I'll terminate you myself, bitch.
RMTrader: You're BANNING ME?

HOOORAAAAAY!!! Note this people: we will have a big party tonight.

We finally got a rare specie of a big idiot who realized something really, really, true.

GM*Hero: Yay.
GM*Hero: You're bright. I've got good news and bad news.
GM*Hero: The good news is...

*GM*Hero is offering a deal*

- accepted -

*GM*Hero gives you 10m*

- deal has been successfully completed -

YAY.

RMTrader: You're giving me this?
GM*Hero: That's your prize.
GM*Hero: Congratulations.
RMTrader: Prize for what?
GM*Hero: For realizing!
RMTrader: Realizing WHAT?!

Disconnected from Server. Account terminated.
Congratulations. ^___^

I love bad news better than good news.

EXTRA SPECIAL EPISODE
C.L. goes REAL LIFE

Alright. I had a funny experience today.

This is kinda offensive to my side and I really wanted to make a horrible image out of this person, but since the offender has apologized already and has deleted the blog, I will not go on with the details (and real names) of how stupid the whole thing came to be.

I found out that one of my blog entries, as well as two other entries from redkinoko's Public Static have been copied, modified and reposted without permission.

After finding out the identity of the one who did it, I used my *GMCHARLIE* powers to detect his YM ID. I didn't fail.

So I PMed him with something threatening. (actual chat logs)

Heathen: hello sir! i understand we need to talk before i take necessary actions against you. plagiarism is a crime punishable by law.
Offender: Yes. I understand, and I'm sorry. Tinanggal ko na yung blog ko, kasama ng iba pang mga post. Yung reason ko kung bakit ko ginawa yun is, to see kung paano mahuhuli ung mga nag pe-plagiarize sa web, and heto nga. I didnt intend to keep on copying your/red's blog hanggang mahuli ako, just about 4-5 posts, idedelete ko na lahat. I assure you that this will never happen again, concerning you, redkinoko, or anyone else. Again, my deepest apologies.

Though I believe he had made the lamest excuse ever made on earth that I really felt this strong urge to use the nuclear weapons I store in the basement, I said it's ok.

It's ok, that goes to the bloody effort making that long monologue.
I really am a forgiving angel from heaven in real life. Believe me.

But that's not the funny part.

Offender: and please don't put me in your fics.
Heathen: why? you've read one?
Offender: Chat Logs

For a minute, I couldn't believe that Chat Logs is so threatening that that's the second thing he mentioned next to apology.

So there.

A simple lesson for everybody. Asking for permission isn't really hard. If something catches your interest and you want to repost it, all you have to do is send the author a letter and wait for a reply. Then get something agreed.

Otherwise, I won't hesitate to make a special episode for you. Really special that you'll swear you should have decided to shoot yourself with a shotgun instead of doing something stupid, such as copying other's work.

But since things has been settled, we're now friends. (and he's reading now.)

Author's Notes: I actually asked for permission from the offender so I could make this episode. Lucky you s/he agreed.

Author: Heathen
from RagnaBoard

Episode 13

Are you familiar with the Darwin Awards?

Basically, DA is an internet-based organization founded by grateful people to pay proper tribute to stupid citizens (read: people with room temperature IQ... in celsius.) who help in the improvement of the next generations by stepping out of evolution's way. In short, being dead.

Or simply getting killed. Let's just call it 'inevitable self-destruction.'

Here's an example from their site:

Quote :

(November 1997, Pennsylvania) Wayne Roth, 38, of Pittston, was bitten by a cobra belonging to his friend, Roger Croteau, after playfully reaching into the tank and picking up the snake. Wayne subsequently refused to go to a hospital, telling Roger, "I'm a man, I can handle it."

Falser words have seldom been spoken. Instead of a hospital, Wayne reported to a bar. He had three drinks, and enjoyed bragging that he had just been bitten by a cobra. Cobra venom is a slow-acting central nervous system toxin. He died within a few hours, in Jenkins Township, Pennsylvania.


Let's go to Ragnarok Online. Where there exists about a hundred three-time Darwin Awards nominees

Not that they are not really stupid to get killed. They were just plain lucky. Tough luck, top luck. But how do we spot these 'special' celebrities?

Everbody knows the fire-element, annoyingly noisy, virtual monster from RO, the Greatest General. If you don't, do us all a favor. Lock yourself inside a hotdog freezer, get nominated and awarded by probably the only award you deserve: Darwin Awards.

One good day in Payon, a level 24 female archer approached me... thank God it's a "good day."

HuNtreSs: GM, may I ask for some red potions?
GM*Hero: Sure.
GM*Hero: You need something else?
HuNtreSs: Do you give buffs?
GM*Hero: Of course, sweetheart. Have a nice day.

Oh my God?! That's not me. But I gave the lady 150 pcs of reds and gave her full battle buffs.

HuNtreSs: Thank you, GM!!
GM*Hero: That's we do.
GM*Hero: I'm glad to be at service. ^__^

So noble I sounded like a Kafra Girl. Yes. Whatever, I didn't know she was a Darwin Awards nominee anyway.

If I had known, I would have terminated her on the spot instead of helping her out.

But as I've said, these awardees' demises are always inevitable. I saw her again in the Payon forest after deciding to do some other holy community work. Really was a good day, isn't it?

And the sight was horrible.

She was shooting the Great General with fire arrows.

GM*Hero: I suggest you use ordinary arrows for that monser, honey.
HuNtreSs: /?
GM*Hero: You're doing it wrong! You're gonna die!
HuNtreSs: We can do this!! /ok

Before I could say something honest (like... 'what the fuck, are you that stupid?!'), she decided to walk directly towards the stationary monster. And the next second, she was one cell beside it, using a knife to cut the tree down.

The Greatest General attacked, but missed miserably.

That's when I realized how incredibly lucky DA nominees are.

But she wasn't too lucky the next strike. Bright red numbers appeared on the screen, I was just stunned she didn't die. She started spamming the use of my red potions to keep her alive while she knifing the tree down, inch by inch.

That's when I realized I should die for helping this stupid girl out. But the sight was rather funny. An archer knifing a Greatest General: Funny, suicidal, stupid, retarded, and worth the DA award.

I beg your pardons, hardcore moralists, but never in my life had I enjoyed watching someone die.

HuNtreSs: Help...
HuNtreSs: PLEAAASEEEEEEE

My heart melted. Awww.

I quickly approached the Greatest General and used my great Balmung.

HuNtreSs was barely moving.

HuNtreSs: Thank you!!
GM*Hero: You're brave.
GM*Hero: And stupid too.
HuNtreSs: WHAT?!!
GM*Hero: And suicidal.
GM*Hero: Not to forget retarded.
HuNtreSs: You're a meanie.
GM*Hero: I bow to you, brave warrior.
HuNtreSs: I am?? Well... I'm up for challenges. ^__^

YAY.

GM*Hero: What a courageous thing to say, honey.
HuNtreSs: ^___^
GM*Hero: Here's your next challenge, bitch.

*GMCharlie Summons Baphomet*

*Baphomet Strikes HuNtreSs.*

*HuNtreSs attempts to use red potions. But there's nothing left.*
(but if there still are some, I doubt those would be of any help anyway)

*HuNtreSs has been successfuly killed by Baphomet.*

*HuNtreSs realizes she's dead after 5 seconds. That slow.

Disconnected from Server. Account Terminated.

Definitely, I am drooling over the coming Darwin Awards 2006.

Author: Heathen
from RagnaBoard

Episode 14

Hack cases, scammed morons, sexually harassed females.

All in a day's work. So what happened? I was wishing for 50-meter meteor to fall from the heavens right into my ex-math teacher's house while watching out for possible signs of game aliens.

A meteor. Something for a change. Imagine the news and headlines: Meteor kills old cranky math teacher.

Isn't that great? It turns me on.

But seriously, I am tired of these petty GM-help-me's multiplied by two thousand.

I want a real problem to solve. Something exciting. Something different.

I wished... I wished... and I got the PM and now I'm wishing I had not wished at all. Hah.

GM!! NAWAWALA PO PET KO!!! TULONG!!
(GM!! MY PET IS MISSING!! I'M A RETARD!!)

Somebody didn't understand the concept of "problem" here. For the sake of this wonderful society, I'd rather go on with harassing sexually harassed females and watch them run crazy and set their PCs on fire...

Before jumping off the nearest bridge. Oh the fun.

But puh-lease. Someone PMing me about a missing virtual pet is retarded enough to trigger my destructive tendencies.

Definitely, somebody here is about to get drowned in the toilet.

GM*Hero: I understand that you have psychological problems.
GM*Hero: I am no psychiatrist and I don't care if I'm harsh.
GM*Hero: Good afternoon, by the way.
sexy_steph: MY PET IS MISSING.
sexy_steph: AND I DO NOT HAVE PSCYHOLOGICAL PROBLEMS.
GM*Hero: Don't you know that typing in all caps...
GM*Hero: Is a major sign of mental retardation?
sexy_steph: I NEED MY PET BACK.
sexy_steph: NOW.

Greatness. I need anti-depressants.

GM*Hero: . . .
GM*Hero: You're hopeless.
sexy_steph: MY PORING. I LOST IT IN GEFFEN.
GM*Hero: Oh, I've been hearing complaints about that recently.
GM*Hero: No need to scream.
sexy_steph: I AM NOT SCREAMING.
GM*Hero: Put another letter in uppercase and you'll join your pet.
GM*Hero: In afterlife.

Cross your fingers and hope that my threat would work.

Oh... the disappointment is killing me.

sexy_steph: THERE'S NO AFTERLIFE IN RO, STUPID.

...you're gonna wish you didn't say that.

GM*Hero: Oh, don't lose your faith, honey.
GM*Hero: There is an afterlife!!
sexy_steph: MY PET MY PET MY PET!!

Wait 'til I terminate you, bitch, you'll definitely see afterlife. The HELL.

GM*Hero: So you lost it at Geffen.
sexy_steph: YES.
GM*Hero: How did it happen?
sexy_steph: I WAS VENDING.
sexy_steph: THEN I WENT TO THE C.R.
GM*Hero: What did you do there?
sexy_steph: NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS

Fine.

GM*Hero: How long were you gone?
sexy_steph: ABOUT 30 MINUTES
GM*Hero: 30 minutes.
GM*Hero: You left your poring unfed for 30 minutes.
GM*Hero: Honey, it must have starved while you were taking a shit.
sexy_steph: I WASN'T SHITTING.
GM*Hero: Oh my God.
GM*Hero:You flushed your brains in the toilet.
GM*Hero: We must do something!!
sexy_steph: OH GREAT! YOU'RE INSULTING ME!!
GM*Hero: Honey, it's all right to insult brainless people like you.
GM*Hero: You're typing in ALL CAPS.
GM*Hero: You're no longer entitled to any of those human rights.
GM*Hero: Not that you're entitled to any right at all.
sexy_steph: STOP IT!! I NEED TO SEE ANOTHER GM!!
GM*Hero: Checking.
GM*Hero: Uhh, no other GM wanted to handle low-IQed bitches.
GM*Hero: Consider yourself special.
GM*Hero: Retarded, I mean.
sexy_steph: I'M GOING TO QUIT THIS GAME!!
sexy_steph: HORRIBLE GMs!!
GM*Hero: You know what?
sexy_steph: WHAT?!

Disconnected from Server. Account Terminated.
ENJOY AFTERLIFE.

Did anyone say "quit?"

Uh-huh. I didn't hear anything.

Sexy_steph, people, was banned. She *did not* quit.

Let me repeat that: BANNED FOR BEING A MORON.

Also, for crying out loud, I have a plea (read: threat). Typing in all caps is a wonderful way to say you are retarded. Please maintain proper netiquette. Otherwise... You know.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

FANMAIL TIME!

Quote :

(rAi03)

what is Heathen, a guy or a gal? what's his/her real name? wanna know right now...



hahah...anyway..
UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE!!!

Dear rAi03,

By the structure of your sentence, I have to assume that this is addressed to me and is considered a fanmail. Let me check what my secretary told you:

"...Charlie is accepting fanmails and complaints via PM."

Foremost, do you know what "via PM" means? It means "you are an absolute idiot if you post your fanmail in my thread."

Second, I am the one in the center of everything and the universe while Heathen is just my secretary, posting stuff for me in the messageboards because PWNing morons on a daily basis can really get exhausting. That means fanmails are for me, the star. Why the hell are you asking for Heathen's personal information? You are offending me.

And when I am offended, I am talking about "my powers can go to Ragnaboards if you force me to."

Third, haven't I said before that I hate demanding people? Not yet? Now you know, bitches. When you say 'wanna know right now,' you say the most effective way to tell me "I am suicidal."

Perhaps I can help you with that, psycho.

My finger over your termination button,
Charlie

PS: Screaming UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE!! will do you no good. You're now classified as "fanboy." Have a nice day.



====
a/n: charlie's letter is still part of the fanfiction. meaning, it's not to be taken seriously. i, the author, really appreciate your comments.
^___^

Ill just pass by here and give you guys a friendly reminder. Please no bad words in your stories

For more info about the Fanfic thread rules please go to
http://ragnaboards.levelupgames.ph/index.php?showtopic=5129

That's all. Thank you

Nirvelli Sakray
Moderator

-------------------------------------------------------------

Maybe you haven't heard from me for a long, long time. So much have changed since my last visit. Personal crap, don't ask.

So. Let this be my goodbye note to writing Ragnarok-based fictions.

Chat Logs might be my last entry here in Ragnaboards. I hope you enjoyed it the same way I enjoyed writing it. Although it's sad for me to end this the same way I ended half of all my RO-based fics, by that I mean either they didn't have endings at all, or all the main characters died in a car crash when there is no car in RO.

But hey, I'd still be hanging around in this place. smile.gif

However, if you are still interested in joining a wider society for world domination, I am giving you my link: http://www.tabulas.com/~Grubb

Someone might have hacked that account yesterday and deleted all my previous entries, but I find it a new starting point, and an inspiration to writing this note. Nyahaha.

Kita-kits.

Please don't spam this thread. Discussion is still welcome.

Heathen
Author
-------------------------------------------------------------

Quote :

Thor94

By just looking at Heathen's blog, I THINK I know what the cause is. Not starting a flame btw. I don't wanna !!

I don't want this misinterpreted.

As I told (former?) ForumGuard ThereSheGoes off-boards, it was the restricting rules. When I thought I could live with it, here comes a moderator who whines about everything. I hate it when someone is watching over while I write, screaming "BADWOOORD!" like a 12-year-old kid who makes a lot of typographical errors every single time the nose smells one. When I thought I would not mind at all, it became so annoying that I wanted to shoot everyone I see.

I don't care if the moderator "loves the fanfare section very much." Because sadly, unrequited love happens all the time. /sob

So there, it is not always that I am this honest. Just part of my New Year's resolution.

But I have to shut up before I get kicked "where it hurts the most." I'm trying to keep this issue off-boards because I still have an on-going collaboration with Nilathiel. I'm staying because of her, and not because of anything else.

I rest my case. By that, I mean shut up. No replies regarding this, no PMs, and I don't care about your defenses.

Heathen
Author of Chat Logs: When Charlie Becomes a GM, Seasons 1 and 2

Goodbye, Charlie, you shall be missed. If I had your talent, I would have continued your legacy. Toast, literati.

kaadikan lng yan promise hahahah